Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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