we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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