PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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