And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
