i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
