i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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