So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
did i walk over a car last night?
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No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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