I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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