let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
