don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
