That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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