I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
