Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
