pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
