yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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