I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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