You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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