so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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