God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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