just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
