I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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