he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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