Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
