Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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