Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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