i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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