just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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