dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
