My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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