Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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