I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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