i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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