Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
