I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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