just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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