I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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