i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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