Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
