Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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