I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
