is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
