I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize