he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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