Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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