After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
