All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
