i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
