i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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