I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize