This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
