Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
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Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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