i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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