so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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