Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
