Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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