you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
