I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
