I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
