i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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