If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
