9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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