Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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