whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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