therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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