Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
