Do you still have your period?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
