Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
