i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
