You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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