My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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