So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
