I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
