We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
