It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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